Blurbs from the Burbs by Chickysara

Contents of purse: 1 green bristle block (in case of emergency according to T) 1 red felt tip pen (again for T’s emergency purposes) 1 fuzzy white bird feather (T’s) 1 small jar Vick’s Vapor Rub (emergency purposes--mine) 1 travel size body lotion from the Wynn in Las Vegas 1 sticky quarter 1 checkbook containing no checks 1 purple hard candy, crushed 1 half empty tube L’Oreal Rouge Pulp 1 tube Clinique Almost Lipstick in Blackberry 1 hair clip, broken 1 Leapster hand-held electronic game with Sonic Cartridge 3 Ticket Stubs to Kung Fu Panda Assorted receipts from Target, downtown parking garages, and Sweet Tomatoes Also gum wrappers, two non-working ball point pens, granola bar crumbs, and wallet purchased in the 1990’s containing no money but additional assorted receipts and a yellow business card for Good Luck Pigs .

I can hear the ocean outside the window. We are on a family getaway to celebrate summer and the fact that the boys and I do not have to get up at the crack of dawn for almost three months. WOOHOO!!!! We are staying in a quiet beach town on the central coast for a few days. So far the boys have been to the beach every single day which is just around the corner from our hotel and down a wooden stairway. The beach access closest to our hotel is sequestered in a quiet residential neighborhood so we've been able to get this part of the beach to ourselves. We spread out the big beach mat and plunk down beach toys and snacks of graham crackers, Wheat Thins, root beers and orange sodas on the corners of the mat to keep it from blowing itself shut. So far the boys have built a sand fort, climbed rocks, and chased waves. Today the Husband took J boogie boarding for the first time. We've walked up and down the sidewalks of the entire town peeking into antique stores, eating fish n' ch...

This morning I went and had breakfast with my cousin, Neena, who also happens to be one of my best friends. We are eerily alike. This morning she bought me pancakes and came with me to the plastic surgeon’s office. We are both thinking about getting some WORK done so we are doing some research. We both want to look like we have never given birth to children. One thing about having kids is that your body is never ever ever ever the same as it once was pre-pregnancy. For sure there are women out there who look fabulous even after kids, but I am suspicious of them. Like Kate Hudson, whom I saw in one of Deeva’s trash mags, wearing a skimpy bikini. Not a single stretch mark or an ounce of flab. Surely, she has gone under the knife. Also, Posh Spice who is actually really too skinny. I am pretty sure she has had WORK done. One thing for sure she doesn’t eat. Ever. But then there’s my sister, Bee, who's had one baby and I know, for sure, hasn’t had any WORK done but can still fit in th...

I'm addicted to the smell of Vick's Vapor Rub. I literally can not sleep without it. The Husband says he feels like he's sleeping with an old lady from the rest home but then I told him that Deeva loves it too so he stopped saying that. Deeva is very young and fashionable so if it's okay with her then it must be okay to smell like an old lady. The Husband says that coroners dab it under their noses so they won't be able to smell the corpses. That is an employee perk if you ask me. I just love the smell of Vick's Vapor Rub. I really wished I'd had it the other day when I went to the spa to get a massage. The minute I put my face in that little hole on the massage table, I got a whiff of something stinky. I really could not put my finger on it at first. But as the mother of two grown boys it became strikingly familiar. It was the stench of stinky socks. Hard to believe that the tiny masseuse could pack a shoe-full of that extremely Big Bad smell. Of course, I...

As the school year draws to a close, there have been many activities and goings-on at J’s school. The other day all of the Kindergartners had a big beach party so he got to wear his bathing suit to school and all of the kids got to play water games. To help celebrate I brought ice-cream sandwiches for J’s class so I thought his day would be pretty close to perfect, but this afternoon during lunch J pointed out to me that I had embarrassed him in front of his schoolmates. J: “Mom, you know, you packed a pink towel for me on beach day.” Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize that you cared which towel you used. I just grabbed the first towel in the cabinet” J: “Well, you should’ve grabbed the second towel because everybody laughed at me when I was laying on it.” Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I should have brought the blue one with the flag. Did it hurt your feelings when they laughed?” J: “Sort of. But I told them it’s a Hawaiian towel and anything from Hawaii can be for boys or girls. Like Grandp...