Blurbs from the Burbs by Chickysara

That's what T was saying while he was pee-ing in the toilet this morning. The Husband and I overheard, looked at each other and started cracking up. I am elated that T got up to pee in the potty and did not laze around and go in his pull-up. He even put the seat down and washed his hands without being nagged. I think some of my bitching is paying off. Cool.

Sometimes I like to entertain. One of my favorite books on entertaining is “I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence” by Amy Sedaris. She is no Martha Stewart and I like that. As far as I can tell Martha Stewart is the devil. Anybody who makes her own stationery should be locked away forever. So, the other night the girls came over to hang out. We sat around the table doing decoupage, painting our nails and eating, drinking and talking and talking and talking until the wee hours. Here is the recipe for the Fruit Booze (a variation of the Sangria in Amy’s book) I served along with the finger foods. No measuring is involved. Just eyeball the ingredients. In a large pitcher: Add a few cubes of frozen tropical fruit, melons, and/or berries and sliced fresh oranges Add about ¼ can of fruit juice concentrate (I used orange-passion fruit) Fill pitcher with white wine (Chardonnay) until it’s about 2/3 full Add some club soda or 7-up (about ½ can) A couple of splashes of Contreau A couple o...

Spent the afternoon at the skating rink making a fool of myself. I haven’t been on roller skates in about 25 years. I am waaaaay too old to be slipping around out there. But I had to because T wanted to skate for the very first time and I had to hold his hand. It was a classic case of the blind leading the blind. On my way to the concession stand to get the boys a Gatorade, I totally wiped out and landed On. My. Ass. It was pretty humiliating considering I was carrying a purse. I don’t know why, but I think if I would have fallen without the purse it would have been much more dignified. It was pretty dazzling as falls go. I saw both my feet fly straight up in front of me right before I landed on my well padded derriere. It still hurts. As the wise and very purple Prince crooned, "Act your age not your shoe size..." Very good advice indeed. Anyway, J got the hang of it pretty good. He would do this thing where he would run instead of roll along. He looked kinda like the bion...

She Said: (written by The Wife) Dearest Husband: Are you saying that your seconds are more important than my seconds? If I had any seconds to spare, I can think of about 10 things that I could do with my extra time than fiddling around with that darn toilet seat, including, (but not limited to): Chewing my food Shaving my left leg. Shaving my right leg. Lathering, rinsing, and repeating. Moisturizing. Combing my hair. Flossing. Clipping the raggedy nail on my right index finger Plucking stray eyebrow hairs sprouting in random patches across my forehead; and Finishing the third paragraph of a book I started in October... 2006. Lucky for you it’s not 1850. You are not out hunting and milking cows and farming for our food. I am at Safeway gathering all this stuff while the kids are trying to kill each other in the produce aisle. You make it sound like you’re out chopping wood and building a barn while I merely press buttons all day to get things done. Dirty underwear doesn’t just walk ...

He said: (written by The Husband) “The toilet seat is up! Ugghh!” How many times have I heard that? What is with toilet seats and women? Why so offended? When the toilet seat is down, I lift it up. It takes me….one second. This is a common occurrence because we have two sons – ages four and six, whom, thankfully, I can always blame. Now if I had to sit on that seat as often as she does, in a house with two young boys, I would have a sense of relief seeing the seat up. But not my wife. “It’s so inconsiderate” Have you seen the show on TV where a family has to live like they did in 1850? The wife gets up at 4 AM and spends the next 4 hours making bread, then 3 hours doing laundry. You have to build a fire to heat the oven. They have my sympathy. We have every power appliance known to man including robots that vacuum and wash the floor. And still, my stay at home wife insists on maid service. “I just don’t have the time” she says. No doubt each second lost on that toil...

Just had the best time the other day. The Husband and I actually got some alone time. Deeva took the boys for a train ride and an afternoon at the museum. Of course, once we delivered them all to the train stop, we had no idea what to do with ourselves. What do people do on a date? After careful consideration, we ended up having lunch and then walking around a cute downtown. Then The Husband did the most romantic thing. I was admiring a handbag in a shop window and he took me into the store and flat out bought it for me. This was such an extravagant gesture of romance on his part because if you know my husband, you would know how it goes completely against his very senses to drop that kind of mint on a PURSE. He is in marketing and it his conviction that most people are suckers for fancy packaging and slick advertising. And he is married to me. The worst sucker of all. I love love love fancy packaging and slick ads. When I fall in love with prettily packaged and shamefully overprice...

This month J’s Kindergarten class is learning about the presidents of the United States. When I picked him up from school the other day, he was chock-a-block full of interesting “facts” about Abe Lincoln. “Mommy, do you know how Abraham Lincoln got to be president?” “Ohhh! Tell me!” I am always very excited when J talks to me about anything but Star Wars which he can discuss at length--as in his and my every waking moment. My brain is literally so jam-packed with Star Wars facts that I can not squeeze another iota of information having to do with the Skywalker clan and its exhaustive list of intergalactic allies, foes, and ensuing battles into my poor head... “Well, a bunch of these old men ran in a presi-dental race like on your marks, get set, go! And the first one who crossed the finish line got to be the president.” “Wow!” (I have a visual flash of Abraham Lincoln crossing a finish line clad in nylon running shorts, Nike’s, and a stovepipe hat with a bunch of old bearded guys in s...

----- Original Message ---- From: Claire To: Vicki ; Teresa ; Maritza ; Chicky ; Christine Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2008 8:50:32 PM Subject: Crayon Stain Mommy Friends: I am so surprised that this has never happened to us before this. Lily had a purple crayon in her pocket, I washed the clothes and put them in the dryer. The end result is hundreds of purple streaks on light colored coats and cardigans. Cannot discern if crayon was regular or washable. Does anyone know a way to get out the stains that doesn't involve WD40, a toothbrush and 7 hours of my time? Thanks for your help, Claire -----Original Message----- From: Chicky Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2008 8:50 AM To: Claire Subject: Re: Crayon Stain Hmmm...don't know. Purple streaks are quite lovely though. Sounds like everyone has a new spring wardrobe! Or if purple is not a favorite (especially in Hubby’s case), how about bleaching everything and having white-ish clothes instead of purple? Otherwise, I highly recommen...